TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
