Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
