yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
