I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
