He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
