i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
