I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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