She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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