can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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