he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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