She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
