Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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