you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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