I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
