I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize