I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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