sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
