i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
