I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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