she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
