I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
