Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
