you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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