There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
