I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
