Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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