Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
