we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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