nut hugger
why didn't you poke me back
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
