fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
