The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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