Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
