I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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