He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
