I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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