you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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