Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
