This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
