It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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