Having a random hookup so left but love u
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
