My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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