i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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