Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
nutella sex= disaster
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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