My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
