I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
