Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
