i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
