Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
