Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
