I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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