not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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