Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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