We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
