Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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