My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I need a beard to bite.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize