Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
