She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
