hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
