yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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