He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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