Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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