I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize