he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
