My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
