standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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