I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
