Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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