dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
