I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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